What have I learnt?
As I have mentioned previously, perspectives on divorce are very much dependant on context and the unique situation from which it stems. However, from my readings I have discovered that there are three generalised perspectives on divorce. One is that you are better to leave your partner for the wellbeing of everyone involved and that with guidance and support, the children will be ok (in fact it may save them from ongoing or worsening emotional harm). Another, is that in leaving your relationship your are putting your own personal happiness before that of your children. Thirdly, there is the view that relationships are worth fighting for and the belief that many people enter into divorce rashly. The benefits of me knowing about these perspectives now is that I can see where different people are coming from when they talk about a divorce, which will help me to communicate better with parents and students who are undergoing separation.
There are several questions which I still have on this issue, and I do not know if there will ever be a way to answer them, as every situation is different.
I was very surprised to read Barletta (1997) who states that there are positive outcomes for children which can come from a divorce. This was a large challenge to my pre-understanding and I was pleased to learn that children from divorced families are likely to develop self sufficiency, maturity, empathy and androgyny (Barletta, 1997). In addition to this, as a child successfully adapts to different environments and situations, their self esteem may grow alongside their resilience (Barletta, 1997). This information will give me some positive aspects which I can use in discussions with upset students and their parents, who may need reassurance. Another strategy which could provide assistance is one suggested by Kenardy et al. (2011) and buddy up students who have previously been through divorce with students who are struggling. I think it will be important to demonstrate to students that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Another thing I have learned is the power of coersion in bias. In all observations and discussions with parents and students, I will need to keep an open mind as an outsider to the separation. However I will also have to ensure that I keep the children's best interests at heart and monitor their progress closely. If I note any alarming signs of ongoing distress I will need to report it instantly to the appropriate authority and ensure the student is given the support they need.
It is also my responsibility to keep communication ongoing with both parents of a child in situations of divorce such as report cards and interviews. This of course is on the proviso that there is no court order in place, and will encourage joint involvement in their education. I think this will be challenging in some cases, as many divorced couples do not maintain an amiable relationship. Who is to say that by inviting both parties to a parent teacher interview, that conflict will not arise, and what would we do in such a situation? Further research would be required here to learn of procedures in cases such as these, and if persons not permitted were trying to gain access to their child.
A further challenge I believe I may encounter is the cultural difference in perspectives to women's rights. Some of the readings in this research made me feel ashamed that some women in the world are still living under such patriarchal systems. Living in such a multicultural country, it is likely that I will encounter women and men in such situations, and I will now be able to keep an open mind when this occurs. I can now appreciate the processes of divorce required for such women and I will be prepared to conceal my thoughts on the matter. I believe that students' parents should always feel welcomed by their child's teacher, and I recognise the benefits of a communicative partnership between them, and therefore I will make it a priority to ensure that my perception of their situation is one of understanding and not regret.
As I have mentioned previously, perspectives on divorce are very much dependant on context and the unique situation from which it stems. However, from my readings I have discovered that there are three generalised perspectives on divorce. One is that you are better to leave your partner for the wellbeing of everyone involved and that with guidance and support, the children will be ok (in fact it may save them from ongoing or worsening emotional harm). Another, is that in leaving your relationship your are putting your own personal happiness before that of your children. Thirdly, there is the view that relationships are worth fighting for and the belief that many people enter into divorce rashly. The benefits of me knowing about these perspectives now is that I can see where different people are coming from when they talk about a divorce, which will help me to communicate better with parents and students who are undergoing separation.
There are several questions which I still have on this issue, and I do not know if there will ever be a way to answer them, as every situation is different.
- Are any of these perspectives 'right'? all the time?
- Could it be that by separating and divorcing we are in being 'cruel to be kind' and that it is better for the family to end a troubled relationship?
- Are we expecting too much of our children to be able to handle the emotional turmoil of a broken home?
- Is having both parents involved in the children's upbringing always beneficial if there is ongoing conflict in trying to manage a new routine?
- And ultimately, at the end of the day, if parents have decided to divorce or separate, does any of this research really matter, and do we not just have to deal with the repurcussions?
I was very surprised to read Barletta (1997) who states that there are positive outcomes for children which can come from a divorce. This was a large challenge to my pre-understanding and I was pleased to learn that children from divorced families are likely to develop self sufficiency, maturity, empathy and androgyny (Barletta, 1997). In addition to this, as a child successfully adapts to different environments and situations, their self esteem may grow alongside their resilience (Barletta, 1997). This information will give me some positive aspects which I can use in discussions with upset students and their parents, who may need reassurance. Another strategy which could provide assistance is one suggested by Kenardy et al. (2011) and buddy up students who have previously been through divorce with students who are struggling. I think it will be important to demonstrate to students that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Another thing I have learned is the power of coersion in bias. In all observations and discussions with parents and students, I will need to keep an open mind as an outsider to the separation. However I will also have to ensure that I keep the children's best interests at heart and monitor their progress closely. If I note any alarming signs of ongoing distress I will need to report it instantly to the appropriate authority and ensure the student is given the support they need.
It is also my responsibility to keep communication ongoing with both parents of a child in situations of divorce such as report cards and interviews. This of course is on the proviso that there is no court order in place, and will encourage joint involvement in their education. I think this will be challenging in some cases, as many divorced couples do not maintain an amiable relationship. Who is to say that by inviting both parties to a parent teacher interview, that conflict will not arise, and what would we do in such a situation? Further research would be required here to learn of procedures in cases such as these, and if persons not permitted were trying to gain access to their child.
A further challenge I believe I may encounter is the cultural difference in perspectives to women's rights. Some of the readings in this research made me feel ashamed that some women in the world are still living under such patriarchal systems. Living in such a multicultural country, it is likely that I will encounter women and men in such situations, and I will now be able to keep an open mind when this occurs. I can now appreciate the processes of divorce required for such women and I will be prepared to conceal my thoughts on the matter. I believe that students' parents should always feel welcomed by their child's teacher, and I recognise the benefits of a communicative partnership between them, and therefore I will make it a priority to ensure that my perception of their situation is one of understanding and not regret.