"It's like we are a toy for them to play with, that they have to share." (Geyde, n.d. as cited in Craig, 2005). "...I will never be the happy old Sarah that I was before. I have changed." (Sarah, n.d., as cited in DivorceParnter.com, 2006) |
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Divorce is a very difficult time for all the family and is a stressful, painful and uncertain time for children (Lewis & Sammons, 2001). Rather than being a single event, divorce is an ongoing period of change and upheaval which affects all parties (Barletta, 1997). When trying to describe how divorce feels for children, Lewis and Sammons (2001) compare it to “…An earthquake – with life altering aftershocks that continue for years.” The video above catches the mood of divorce from the eyes of one girl. If you are interested in other accounts, check out the following links:
Sarah's Response or A Child's Perspective
Sarah's Response or A Child's Perspective
With the rates of divorce and separation in Australia being so high, it is possible that as many as one in five children at school will live separately from one of the biological parents (Baxter, Watson & Qu, 2011). So what does research say that divorce can mean for children?
1. Additional strain on the relationships children hold with their parents; and in some cases, a loss of contact completely (Baxter et al., 2011; Emery, n.d.). When referring to the impact this may have on child development, McIntosh (2010) writes that “…development is profoundly influenced by the quality of their caregiving relationships..”(p.15), and suggests that children from broken homes are more likely to suffer from economic, social and health difficulties.
2. Social changes, such as to housing arrangements and schooling (Baxter et al., 2011). When thinking of the stress which must accompany these changes, as well as the uncertainty experienced, it should not be surprising that divorce directly impacts the psychological, social, health and academic realms of a child’s life (McIntosh, 2010).
3. Possible experiences of anxiety and depression, as well as a lower level of self esteem (Barletta, 1997). This aligns with recent research in Canada which suggests that adults who come from divorced families as children are more likely to experience suicidal thoughts than those from non divorced family backgrounds (Fuller-Thomson & Dalton, 2011).
4. Further negative effects include a higher likelihood to exhibit emotional and behavioural problems throughout life, as well as becoming a single parent themselves in adulthood through experiencing their own divorce (Baxter et al., 2011).
There is some debate about the extent of resilience which children can demonstrate in these trying times. Baxter et al. (2011) state that “…most children are quite resilient, and appear to cope well when confronted with major changes to their lives.” (p.101). It has even been suggested that because of this resilience, the effect of divorce on children depends on the way it is handled by the parents (Emery, n.d.). This is at odds with what Meyer (n.d.) believes, who refers to earlier research by Judith Wallerstien in the 1970’s which suggests the opposite. Meyer (n.d.) argues that children do not have resilience, and that we use this false belief to excuse the fact that “…we have become a society of adults who put their own needs and happiness before emotional well-being of their children..” (para. 3)There is evidence which suggests that the consequences of divorce which effect children are reliant upon the nurturing nature of their household (Baxter et al., 2011).
2. Social changes, such as to housing arrangements and schooling (Baxter et al., 2011). When thinking of the stress which must accompany these changes, as well as the uncertainty experienced, it should not be surprising that divorce directly impacts the psychological, social, health and academic realms of a child’s life (McIntosh, 2010).
3. Possible experiences of anxiety and depression, as well as a lower level of self esteem (Barletta, 1997). This aligns with recent research in Canada which suggests that adults who come from divorced families as children are more likely to experience suicidal thoughts than those from non divorced family backgrounds (Fuller-Thomson & Dalton, 2011).
4. Further negative effects include a higher likelihood to exhibit emotional and behavioural problems throughout life, as well as becoming a single parent themselves in adulthood through experiencing their own divorce (Baxter et al., 2011).
There is some debate about the extent of resilience which children can demonstrate in these trying times. Baxter et al. (2011) state that “…most children are quite resilient, and appear to cope well when confronted with major changes to their lives.” (p.101). It has even been suggested that because of this resilience, the effect of divorce on children depends on the way it is handled by the parents (Emery, n.d.). This is at odds with what Meyer (n.d.) believes, who refers to earlier research by Judith Wallerstien in the 1970’s which suggests the opposite. Meyer (n.d.) argues that children do not have resilience, and that we use this false belief to excuse the fact that “…we have become a society of adults who put their own needs and happiness before emotional well-being of their children..” (para. 3)There is evidence which suggests that the consequences of divorce which effect children are reliant upon the nurturing nature of their household (Baxter et al., 2011).
“Younger children typically view divorce as the enemy, pre-teens and teenagers tend to hold their parents accountable for the divorce.” (Public Health Agency of Canada, 2005).
How will children react?
- The way in which children are effected by and cope with separation and divorce varies depending on their gender, individuality and age (Public Health Agency of Canada [PHAC], 2005; Pickhardt, 2011).
- Depending on the person, it is not uncommon for young children to resort back to habits which provided parental attention, including bedwetting, crying, and tantrums (Pickhardt, 2011).
- Many age groups throughout childhood which are affected by divorce experience a fear of being abandoned and a sense of guilt or responsibility for the event occurring (PHAC, 2005).
- Where pre-adolescent children react generally act regressively towards divorce, it is more common for the adolescent to act aggressively in reaction (Pickhardt, 2011).
- The adolescent is generally more independent and can experience feelings of anger towards their parents, causing rebellious behaviour and distancing themselves from the family (Pickhardt, 2011; PHAC, 2005).
My Biases, Assumptions and Pre-Understandings.
I designed this page to emphasise the negative effects of divorce on the well being of children. However, conflict in general between parents; whether they are separated, together or divorced, is detrimental to children (Barletta, 1997; Baxter et al., 2011; Mcintosh, 2010). Some studies have actually suggested that the recorded negative effects of divorce are closely linked to the severity of conflict prior to the separation actually occurring (Baxter et al., 2011). Further research has shown that children who become free from an aversive home environment through divorce cope better with the changes (Baxter, et al., 2011).This directly addresses my own personal bias and leads me to wonder if more damage can be done to children if the couple ‘fights it out’ and stays together.
I designed this page to emphasise the negative effects of divorce on the well being of children. However, conflict in general between parents; whether they are separated, together or divorced, is detrimental to children (Barletta, 1997; Baxter et al., 2011; Mcintosh, 2010). Some studies have actually suggested that the recorded negative effects of divorce are closely linked to the severity of conflict prior to the separation actually occurring (Baxter et al., 2011). Further research has shown that children who become free from an aversive home environment through divorce cope better with the changes (Baxter, et al., 2011).This directly addresses my own personal bias and leads me to wonder if more damage can be done to children if the couple ‘fights it out’ and stays together.