"Both spouses are faced with fending for themselves, with unfamiliar and painful loneliness..." (Clarke-Steart & Brentano, 2006, p.54) "Divorce is associated with an increase in depression - people experience loss of partner, hopes and dreams, and lifestyle." (O'Connell Corcoran, 1997, para. 2). |
The decision to end a marriage is never taken lightly; it can sometimes takes years to manifest, or can be decided in a matter of days (Clarke-Stewart & Brentano, 2006). Whatever the timeframe, it is unlikely that this decision will be reached simultaneously for both parties, and creates a highly emotional and stressful time (Clarke-Stewart & Brentano, 2006).
The different perspectives held by adults on divorce are very much controlled by context and emotions. Quite often divorce is done as a result of a breaking of trust, leaving one member of the family angry and upset (Cheal, 2002; Clarke-Stewart & Brentano, 2006). Other times relationships may simply deteriorate over time and the love held for each other may be lost (Clarke-Stewart & Brentano, 2006). In Australia, statistics show that women are more likely to initiate a divorce than men despite their greater economic dependence upon a male spouse (ABS, 2008; Clarke-Stewart & Brentano, 2006).
Divorce is an ongoing process of change which can take years to get over, and is usually accompanied by higher levels of loneliness, anxiety, depression and distress (Clarke-Stewart & Brentano, 2006). Throughout this period of change, there are many decisions which need to be made between spouses and certain ways that these decisions will affect the wellbeing of each person involved.
The different perspectives held by adults on divorce are very much controlled by context and emotions. Quite often divorce is done as a result of a breaking of trust, leaving one member of the family angry and upset (Cheal, 2002; Clarke-Stewart & Brentano, 2006). Other times relationships may simply deteriorate over time and the love held for each other may be lost (Clarke-Stewart & Brentano, 2006). In Australia, statistics show that women are more likely to initiate a divorce than men despite their greater economic dependence upon a male spouse (ABS, 2008; Clarke-Stewart & Brentano, 2006).
Divorce is an ongoing process of change which can take years to get over, and is usually accompanied by higher levels of loneliness, anxiety, depression and distress (Clarke-Stewart & Brentano, 2006). Throughout this period of change, there are many decisions which need to be made between spouses and certain ways that these decisions will affect the wellbeing of each person involved.
According to Clarke-Stewart & Brentano (2006), some of these decisions involve:
· Legal Proceedings
· Child Custody
· Property
· Debt
· Spousal/Child Support
· Housing & Living arrangements.
· Legal Proceedings
· Child Custody
· Property
· Debt
· Spousal/Child Support
· Housing & Living arrangements.
People going through divorce report several changes as they adjust to their new life.
ECONOMIC ADJUSTMENTS:
Research has shown that whereas the standard of living for women is more likely to decrease for women post divorce, for men there is a possibility of this increasing (Clarke-Stewart & Brentano, 2006). |
“Divorced adults are more isolated and feel more lonely than married adults.” (Clarke-Stewart & Brentano, 2006, p.70). |
SOCIAL AND ROLE CHANGES
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EMOTIONAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL RESPONSES
It is natural in the case of divorce for there to be conflicting emotions (Family Law Courts, n.d.a). These can range from denial, regret, happiness, relief, anger, hatred and grief to name a few (O’Connell Corcoran, 1997; Family Law Courts, n.d.a). Psychologically, divorced people are more susceptible to depression and anxiety and therefore also the further risks which accompany these, such as substance abuse and suicide (Clarke-Stewart & Brentano, 2006). |
WHEN THERE ARE CHILDREN INVOLVED.
“When a married couple with children gets divorced, a husband may entertain the fond belief that he has come to the end of his relationship with his wife. In reality, it is the beginning of a new relationship and one that is an inflection and a distortion of the original. “ (Lott, 2012, p.4).
“When a married couple with children gets divorced, a husband may entertain the fond belief that he has come to the end of his relationship with his wife. In reality, it is the beginning of a new relationship and one that is an inflection and a distortion of the original. “ (Lott, 2012, p.4).
In cases of separation or divorce which involve children, decisions need to be made in regards to the children’s housing, care and financial support (Clarke-Stewart & Brentano, 2006). The importance of establishing a new relationship with ex-spouses is strongly emphasised for the health and wellbeing of children and is required to organise new routines and schedules for child custody and accommodation (Clarke-Stewart & Brentano, 2006; Lott, 2012; Baxter et al., 2011).
Lott (2012) refers to the pain and guilt felt by separation and divorce, suggesting that parental divorce is a selfish act, which places the parents’ own happiness and wellbeing before their children. He further goes on to discuss how, because of the high levels of emotion following a separation and divorce, difficulties arise in maintaining a healthy relationship with an ex-spouse (Lott, 2012). This is also the view of Clarke-Stewart and Brentano (2006) who state that the new relationship between ex-spouses can be more difficult than the original marriage relationship.
This upsetting video demonstrates an example of what can occur if an ongoing poor relationship between parents continues, and when parents lose control of their emotions, passing biases on to their child.
Lott (2012) refers to the pain and guilt felt by separation and divorce, suggesting that parental divorce is a selfish act, which places the parents’ own happiness and wellbeing before their children. He further goes on to discuss how, because of the high levels of emotion following a separation and divorce, difficulties arise in maintaining a healthy relationship with an ex-spouse (Lott, 2012). This is also the view of Clarke-Stewart and Brentano (2006) who state that the new relationship between ex-spouses can be more difficult than the original marriage relationship.
This upsetting video demonstrates an example of what can occur if an ongoing poor relationship between parents continues, and when parents lose control of their emotions, passing biases on to their child.
Theoretical Perspectives?
There are two theoretical views concerning what is best for children in life after a divorce (Thery, 1989, as cited in Cheal, 2002). The first view, a ‘Substitution Model’ is the belief that it is best to replace the original family unit with a new nuclear family (Thery, 1989, as cited in Cheal, 2002). Families who hold this view aim to place all the responsibilities of the non-custodial parent onto a new spouse to try and create a sense of normality for the child (Thery, 1989, as cited in Cheal, 2002). As suggested by Cheal (2002) however, this view is not in keeping with a society with high divorce rates. |
My Lost Love, My Lost Child
© Garrett W. Wheeler I wonder what you're doing and how you're living life what new things did you learn today and how did you sleep last night did you feel raindrops on your face or sunshine in your eye of all the questions left unknown the biggest one is why why can't we be together why can't I watch you grow why can't I guide you through this world this I just don’t know but I promise we'll be together no matter how long it seems just know your always in my heart and always in my dreams |
Another more popular view in many societies is referred to as the ‘durability model’ and suggests that both biological parents should remain in regular contact with their children after the divorce (Thery, 1989, as cited in Cheal, 2002). This view is enhanced by the increased demands for fathers to have access to their children and the positive reports on the effects which father involvement has on child development (Cheal, 2002; Wilson & Prior, 2011) Wilson & Prior (2011) state that quality father involvement results in higher self esteem, life skills and pro-social behaviour, whereas poor levels of academic achievement and social adjustment problems are more common in children from fatherless families. Baxter et al. (2011) report however, that perhaps in some instances it is best if the father figure does not have contact with their children because of dysfunctional behaviours.
Consider the following news clip from one of the most public custody battles in Australia (Seven News, 2012). It touches the surface of how emotional and traumatic family separation and child custody battles can be.
My Biases, Assumptions and Pre-Understandings.
I will never understand the stress and emotional turmoil that a divorce brings to a family because this is not my situation. People outside of a situation can make judgements on the smallest things, with little evidence behind them. The above news story presents a very bias view, in that we do not know the full story and are judging the situation based on high levels of emotion and the media strategies used in the news coverage. How can we know that the girls in this story are not the victims of Parental Alienation, and have been turned against their father by their mother? We will NEVER know and we should not judge anyone based on this footage, yet it definately invokes an emotional response. Divorce will always make me sad I think, yet this news footage has shown me that I will never know the full story, and when I am working with families I must be sure to keep my opinions to myself.
I will never understand the stress and emotional turmoil that a divorce brings to a family because this is not my situation. People outside of a situation can make judgements on the smallest things, with little evidence behind them. The above news story presents a very bias view, in that we do not know the full story and are judging the situation based on high levels of emotion and the media strategies used in the news coverage. How can we know that the girls in this story are not the victims of Parental Alienation, and have been turned against their father by their mother? We will NEVER know and we should not judge anyone based on this footage, yet it definately invokes an emotional response. Divorce will always make me sad I think, yet this news footage has shown me that I will never know the full story, and when I am working with families I must be sure to keep my opinions to myself.